The Ghost of You
by psychemenace
Summary: Main couple is Mikoto X Reishi but there is a bit Reishi X Seri. :D This revolves around the emotional trauma that Reishi underwent after he killed Mikoto with his two hands.


**Disclaimer: **I don't own anything**. **

**A/N: **This fanfic is based on the song Ghost of you by My chemical Romance. :D I needed to pour out my K-project-last-episode-syndrome so I just had to do this.

* * *

_Do you think of me? Munakata?_

Those words sprang up his consciousness like a swift gentle brush on his cheek. The wind was unusually cold, his sleeping eyelids gradually opened to expose his downcast eyes. His hands were interlaced in front of him like weaved silk fitting perfectly. He looked at the window, looking as he was gazing at something only he could see. The wind swept past him, carrying strands of his hair that tugged on them like invisible fingers. He was in the office alone. He tried to think about how he fell asleep but then his mind drifted off to something else, something he badly wanted to forget. He pursed his lips, and tried to reject the thoughts that came into his mind. Yet, he couldn't. He couldn't get it off of his mind, the way he pierced his body with his sword and the way he stumbled and landed on his shoulder, the last thing on his mind, was the irrevocable fact that he was no more made him feel a pang of regret. He could still feel it, the sensation when he held him in his arms, the way his body came into contact with his that gradually became limp. He never wanted to let go of him, in fact, he wanted to hold him just like that for all eternity. His warmth that faded into the cold was like a kind of desolation eating up the embers of the soul until there's none of it left but a hollowness unlike any other. Or like a scar that creases the skin to remind us of the pain that our actions caused. Why did he have to die? His thought usually, but even then, those lexical anecdotes with their superficial meanings could never bring him back to him.

_Of course not. You are nothing to me now._

Spouting words that didn't make sense and an array of make believe realities were like parasites corrupting his mind, infecting it with a deadly disease. A disease we call sadness.

___You are never coming home  
Never coming home_

_At the end of the world  
Or the last thing I see  
You are never coming home  
_

He slumped back on his chair, looking at the ceiling imagining clouds forming above his head but then it became something else, he saw Mikoto's sword of damocles. His heart throbbed, the next thing he knew, everything was covered with snow, he could even feel the coldness and could see his breath forming like smoke. And then, he saw him, with his arms wide and that peaceful look he showed him for the last time, he wanted to run to him and embrace him for the last time but he just stood there, his eyes aghast.

_You died in my arms._

He tried so hard to regain his composure, but then Mikoto reached out to him, motioning him towards him. Or perhaps he could be calling for him for their last embrace until his existence completely fades away from Reishi's consciousness. Reishi's expression softened, his eyes filled with obvious longing and sadness. He held out his hand but then retaliated and looked away from Mikoto's image. He sighed and closed his eyes forcefully to drive away the ghost that still haunts him. He backed away and knocked on a notebook that was on the edge of his desk, he looked at it for a second as if it was something he couldn't recognize and then when he picked it up something fell from it. It was a piece of paper that he couldn't make out. When he took it and turned the paper he saw a picture of them together. Memories rushed back to him, which riled up some of the emotions he already safely sealed within him. He wanted to be with him, he wanted to make him happy. Perhaps it was foolish of him to think he could fill up the emptiness Mikoto felt, but he still wanted to save him, take him away, fill him up with his love so that he could once again live, enjoy life, or just simply fix him.

_And all the things that you never ever told me_  
_And all the smiles that are never ever_

He held the picture near his heart like it was something precious to him. Their faces, were full of spirit, their smile was bright and genuine, even Mikoto's had been. This was the only time Reishi felt that Mikoto actually relish the fact of being with Reishi. It hurt, knowing that he's the one for Reishi but then Reishi couldn't be the one for him. Beads of tears started to accumulate in the corner of Reishi's eyes, he could feel a burning sensation on his throat, he swallowed tried to calm himself.

_I wish I could have been enough for you_

_that way you wouldn't have had to leave._

Someone knocked on his door. He didn't didn't reply. After awhile womanly voice said "shitsurei shimasu" and the door clicked open. Reishi's face was resting on the palm of his hand. It looked like his head was hurting. The woman came rushing to his aid asking him what's wrong. Reishi's body was trembling slightly.

"Captain!"

Reishi was heaving, he was sweating.

_"_It's okay Awashima-kun, my head is just hurting for some reason."

"You should rest then. Sir, let me accompany you to your room."

Reishi looked back at him with solemn eyes, Seri's heart skipped a beat, it was the first time he saw Reishi like this. It was already 2 weeks after Mikoto's death, and for those two weeks he never faltered, except today.

"It's okay Awashima-kun, I can handle myself."

When Reishi tried his best to walk towards the door his head began to throb. Seri rushed to his side and helped him.

"I'm so sorry Awashima-kun."

Seri helped Reishi walk towards his room, guiding him as his footing wasn't stable. He opened the door and guided Reishi to his bed. This was the first time Seri went inside her Captain's chamber. She looked around. The room was wide, there were widows overlooking the city outside. The drapes of the curtains flowed smoothly as they dance with the wind. Reishi was trying to take off his uniform, but he was having a hard time. Seri sat beside him and helped him, they're hands brushed against each other, that made her blush. Reishi looked at her intently as she was taking his uniform off embarrassed. Reishi was somewhat fascinated with her embarrassed face. He called out her name and when she looked up to Reishi, he leaned in closer. They're faces were close and Seri thought that he would kiss her but to her disappointment he lay his chin on top of her shoulder.

"Just let me stay like this for a second."

"Ca.. Captain."

"Ahh?"

"I..I'm here for you, so depend on me a little."

Reishi sat straight and looked Seri intently in the eyes, the woman looked away flushed. Reishi reached out to caress her face. He smiled at her sweetly.

"Captain, if you end up like the Red King, I wouldn't know what to do."

Reishi was taken aback at Seri's words, his eyes widened with shock. Seri leaned towards him, resting her head on his chest, clenching his uniforming forcefully with trembling hands. Reishi's expression softened. He held her hands that were desperately holding on to him.

"You don't need to worry."

Reishi smiled but at the back of his mind he was thinking about killing himself. His sadness overwhelmed his whole being that he just simply wanted to die to stop everything from hurting. It wasn't like his soul was aching. His heart wasn't the only thing that was broken, his whole soul broke. With him no more, he felt the emptiness creeping through his bones, gnawing on it.

_If I died we would be together by now. Suoh._

Reishi closed his eyes, his thoughts drifting away. Everything was still, the only sound he could hear was Seri's breathing and trembling body. But then something overwhelmed his senses.

_Munakata._

He opened his eyes immediately and saw Mikoto right in front of him. By that time, he had already forgotten about Seri. Reishi had a look of longing on his face. Quietly screaming I miss you inside his head. He wanted to touch him once again, caress his face and kiss his lips and feel the bitterness of his tongue from smoking.

Seri was taken a back seeing the look on Reishi's face, her heart was pounding so fast inside her chest. For the short while, she thought that maybe Reishi was looking at her not as his lieutenant but as a woman.

Mikoto was like a phantom, a ghost haunting Reishi. Or maybe it was a manifestation of his longing for the man that made him appear as a ghost? Seeing him everywhere, dreaming about him all the time? He rested his head on top of Seri's left shoulder, he clenched fists. Seri was worried about him and wanted to comfort him but then maybe it was better to leave him like this. Mikoto was someone precious to him, that's why from the very beginning his main goal was to save him. He wanted to keep him away from harm, but more than anything else, he wanted to see him happy. Was it wrong? To wish for the happiness of the one you love? Mikoto wanted to die, till the end, Reishi's existence was something trivial to him. He didn't care about him. He said he was the only one who could do it, killing him that is. He didn't want Mikoto to die, but if he didn't then it would be the end. His weismann level would become awry and they would end up creating two craters.

_I wish you're happy wherever you are. _

If he really did love Reishi, then he could've stayed with him, but he didn't. Those were just empty words said at the spur of the moment.

_I love you Munakata._

Reishi stiffened facing Seri. Seri's image became Mikoto's. The only thing that he could ever see was Mikoto, no one else. Reishi relaxed and fixed his glasses.

"Idiot."

And at that moment he realized that it wasn't good to wallow on the mud so to speak. He needs to move on. There were people who are waiting for him outside, waiting for him to count on them. People who needed him more than anyone else. He held Seri closer,. embracing her. Seri's eyes looked as if she was about to cry. He hugged Reishi back.

"Thank you Awashima-kun."


End file.
